Rosemary Chesney, asst. sports editor
A few days ago, I was laying in my bed scrolling through Instagram as usual when it happened: the first of my friends got engaged, posting the shiny silver diamond on Instagram for all her followers to see. As 18-year-old girls, my friends and I have been fantasizing about weddings, engagements and giant sparkly rings for as long as I can remember. However, seeing that shiny ring pop up on Instagram filled me with a slight sense of panic and stress mixed with the overwhelming excitement I felt for my friends.
Now, don’t get me wrong. I was definitely excited and joyful for my friends’ announcement and proceeded to text them immediately. On the other hand, I think that there is an unnecessary stress and pressure, especially in the Christian culture and at small schools, for girls to get engaged during or right after college.
Is there anything wrong with getting engaged during or after college? Absolutely not. Growing up, I heard dozens of stories from my parents and my friends’ parents about how they met each other in college. I’d always assumed this would be the case for me as well; I was bound to meet my future husband while in college. While it is possible for me to meet him in college, that may very well not be the case either.
Through some of my older friends, I’ve noticed a weird, awkward pressure placed on girls in their early twenties to hurry up and put a ring on it, especially in places like retreats and small groups.
If you’re not dating someone, people may ask in an expectant tone: Have you met anyone special recently ? When was the last time you went on a date? Any nice guys at your school? If you are dating someone you might hear questions like: Do you think he’s the one? When do you think you want to get married? Is it pretty serious?
Again, there’s nothing wrong with getting engaged young, but there’s no rush either. It’s better to stay single than date someone simply for the sake of having a relationship. It’s better to wait to get engaged than getting a divorce young because you hadn’t prepared for marriage yet. There’s no rush to “have a ring by spring.”
In fact, I think it’s important for people to set certain standards for themselves and their partners before even discussing engagements. Personally, I want my future husband and I to be entirely financially independent before even considering marriage.
That being said, I will absolutely continue to fantasize and dream, with my friends, about our future husbands, wedding dresses, engagement rings and honeymoon destinations. In fact, my friends and I were just talking about my parents’ engagement. However, there’s no sense in pressuring these daydreams by giving them a time frame. If my friends and I meet the people we want to spend the rest of our lives with in college, that’s great. If we don’t, that’s totally okay too.